I’m finally writing this story! After all the emotions And effort that I went through, I decided that I really want to share this journey with other people as I read a loooottt of blogs during my journey.
So when I first got married, of course many family members, friends and online ppl we don’t know wishes us “semoga cpt dpt momongan ya”, its the basic small talk for Indonesians. However, I honestly didn’t think I was ready back then, I had so many things I want to do for myself, I have to take care of other things as well, and I really2 think that I was still a kid, how can I take care of another kid? lol.
However after the first year, we decided to just do a quick med check to the doctor, then I found out that I had ovarian cysts, both on the left and right side of my ovaries. I have some friends that had the same cyst yet somehow they managed to get pregnant easily, however in my case, it was both sides, so doctor said it will be difficult if we didnt do anything about the cyst. My options were surgery or medication, but for medication you dont know if it’ll work or not and it prob will take some time for the size to decrease. So I went with surgery, with no knowledge of the pros and cons at the time. I was in a panic state (never been hospitalized ever, yet alone surgery), so I just want to get it over with.
So after the surgery, afraid that the cyst will come back, the doctor advised that I should get pregnant asap, because it’s the only way to make sure that even the smallest cyst won’t return. So we tried to get pregnant naturally for 3/4 months, but no results. And then we were like ‘lets go see other doctors to start to do a program’, we decided to try insemination. We went to rscm kencana, 2 reasons, we found this great doctor there and my husband ‘s company can fully cover everything if its in RSCM. Lol so we went there, took blood test etc, found out that my AMH level was dropping, that’s the amount of eggs you have in your ovaries. So the doctor explained that its probably because of the cycst surgery. Yes, the surgery will decrease the count of your eggs people, and yes, what you’ve lost will never come back. This info was totally new to me and shocking as per say. So i was 27 at the time, yet my egg count level was like a 30yo already. My advice is do research first before you decide on any big decisions and go to the doctor asap.
We did 3x inseminations at RSCM, with the same doctor! We should’ve tried other doctors also, because now as I think about it, the doctor never like fully explained why the insemination failed, and he just said that everything is fine, there’s no problem, but it’s just not sticking bla bla bla bla. And he asked us “what do you want to do next?” Like dude, you should be the one telling us what to do next 😓 After 3 failed inseminations. We decided, ok la, let’s just go to penang and see maybe ivf is an option. So our 2nd year of marriage was full of those programs. Before we start the program, I decided to take leave from work. We want to go to penang for the program so it would be disadvantageous for both sides if I do it while working. My office gave me 6 months unpaid leave so I thought that’ll be enough right. However long story short, after going back and forth to penang, the journey is not as smooth as we think. We decided to fully commited to ivf and I finally resigned for real from work to just focus on the program.
We decided to go to Dr Devindran in Loh Guan Lye hospital. I’m pretty sure a lot people know this doctor from Andra Alodita’s blog. He’s very strict, a bit blunt, but I like how he was so caring and seems so genuinely care about his patients. Seeing my amh level dr devindran suggested me to do 2 egg pickups. From the first egg pickup I only got 6 eggs and 2 embryos survived in the end. Then seeing the result is not good, i decided to fully change my lifestyle, i tried being a vegetarian (as per dr dev’s advise) for 2x 2 weeks, I exercise almost everyday, mostly yoga. I was so focused on improving my health, and on the 2nd egg pickups after a month of exercise and better diet, I was able to get 10 eggs and 7 embryos survived. So that’s good, that means I have a total of 9 embryos.
On the day of the egg pickup, my doctor found polip, he said that it’s prob because of the high hormones intake. Hence we cannot do fresh transfer. Aside from that my doctor was also going to take a long leave, hence we scheduled the egg transfer 3 months after the pickup.
During those 3 months I did other things as well. Went to the famous acupuncture place, sinse felice is so famous amongst women whos trying to get pregnant. I went every 2 weeks, spent around 15 mio overall!!!!! Cray2 (the herbs were so expensive), worth it? Not sure. I took a vit D test which shows how low my vit D is, so I started to take vit D supplement. And took a vacation to London lol.
On the day of the transfer I was so nervous (mainly because they said i need to hold my pee for hours which i am so suck at holding my pee), the transfer was not hurt, but it was the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced in my life 😂 with no pain killer whatsoever, I have to hold my pee yet their pushing my stomach, it was just all so weird and uncomfortable lol. Well long story short, the result came 2 weeks afterwards and I was not pregnant. Tragic. I was just having this flahback of all the efforts and hardships I have to went through, and I have to go through it all over again???! I was traumatized yes, but I am not a quitter. I don’t sob and run from reality, I have to face it. So I decided, lets take a break for 2-3 months and continue early next year to do another transfer.
I deciced to go for umroh before another transfer. I scheduled my umroh plan to be on feb 9 and transfer will be at end of feb/early march. During those 2 months after i failed my first ivf, i didnt take any medication, only supplements. My mom deciced to give my husband this crab oil she made (she said to improve the sperm 😂). No matter how weird and gross that sounds, we take it. And we feel like the most important thing is our parents prayer.
On mid Jan, I went to Penang alone to get my lucrin injection, it’s to repress the estrogen hormones so I will be ready for the transfer on March. A few days after that I got injections for umroh which are influenza and meningitis. On that day I realized that I was 1 day late, I was never late, my cycle is 28 days and it usually comes on time. So I randomly decided to take a test pack. And I was shocked i don’t know how to feel to see the 2 stripes! I was just injected by 2 vaccines! I was mostly worried. Took another test, all gives me same results. Took blood test the next day just for confirmation, and that’s it. IM REALLY PREGNANT YA’LL. Of course there’s a few dramas afterwards of panicking to the doctor because of the lucrin and meningitis injectios I had. I don’t need to tell you that story 😂 but after all those programs, I was pregnant naturally. Got help from the magical crab oil from mom perhaps 😂 but it was like a miracle. So many sacrifices in all aspects in life and went through so many things along the way. Finally I’m 9 months pregnant. Do I regret having to go through all of that now that I’m pregnant naturally? No, not at all, everyone has their own journey and hardships to go thru, maybe that was mine, that was my journey to motherhood, and it’s ok that it’s harder than most people, and it’s ok that it takes longer than most people, as ling as the outcome is what we hoped for.
Alhamdulillah. Grateful beyond words and grateful for my support systems. I believe Allah SWT really knows what’s best for me, maybe I had to go thru all of that first so I can fully appreciate what’s been given to me and not take it for granted. Maybe before I wasn’t ready, and when god finally thinks I’m ready tadaaa I’m pregnant.
For anyone who’s in the middle of their journey, DONT EVER GIVE UP! Dont ever feel helpless, dont stop your journey just because you’re tired of it. If you want something aim for it, I know and totally understand that it’s a lot, Inside and outside factors. Don’t donit for ither ppl, do it for you. Keep praying!!! and keep trying non stop. Something worth it never comes easily.
Love,
Lala
world within reach 